Saturday, November 26, 2005

spiritual programming...

...is my goal.

i love to code. i love to write down expressions that make up information. i love to type an elite language of expressions and functions and object-oriented poetry. i love to code.

i love to read code. i read code more than i read novels or poetry or news. i read code for the same reasons: enjoyment, education, to be informed, to expand myself.

i love to think, as i'm reading "
for(int i =0;i<lables.getLength();i++){
out.print("< tr><td><%= lable.getname() =%></td><td><%= lable.getid() =%></td></tr>}" that i'm speaking a secret language that only a handful of people know. i'm in a club.
note:I probably made a mistake here. I just did it quick and didn't debug. It doesn't actually do anything anyway.

maybe i'm being an elitist, but i love it. i love so many different languages, it's hard to pick a favorite. because it is, i only get so good an any one language. good enough to do 80% of what needs to be done, but not good enough to do the 20% that earns the real money. but i do it all:
CSS, HTML, DHTML, JavaScript, PHP, MySQL, JSP, Java, Python, XML, XSL, XSLT, and even little bit of Perl. i love it.

it really is a passion. i'm starting to spend way too much time with code. i think it's becoming an escape.

...of course, it's nice to have an escape that can pay $80k/year. I'm sure that's why drug dealers do it.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

I censored myself...

...a minute ago.

I wrote a post about a week ago. It was about pornography. The point of the post was to show that the non-acceptance and demonization of sex in our culture has caused us to associate the unnaccaptable with sex. However, I withdrew my comment... like a coward, for the reasons a coward would.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

I'm turning 30 today...

...but i don't feel any different. i don't know. in my mind, i guess i thought that 30 was one of those numbers that meant a turning point. there were people under 30, in one group, and people over 30 in another. well, i guess i should have thrown that out the window when i found people that were 26,27 in the "other" catatory and people who were 40 and even 50 in the "young" one.

so what is it that makes some people seam "young" and some people seam "old"? i think its a lot of things, the most important of which is how uptight you are and how to you treat other people.

for instance, most "old" people i know aren't really old, they're assholes. they treat people like shit because they think they have a right to, because they are "better" than them, "better" being defined, by them, in their own heads, as being more "grown up" or "responsible": shorter hair. suit/tie. home ownership. stock portfolio. married. kids. SUV.

hold on a second. these people really think that driving around a gas-guzzling SUV, popping out kids in an era where the world's population is about to explode, and dressing like an enron exec makes them "better"? add to that the fact that those portfolios probably contain investments in the arms industry, and obsolete energy sources, and you have the makings of genuine, bonifide peice of shit.

seriously, i'm not trying to judge. i'm trying to project myself into their life.

me, i wouldn't be able to live with myself. i'm more responsible than that.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Are we growing up too fast...

...or too slow? time magazine in january had a cover article about how our generation (late 20s- I turn 30 tomorow, but I guess that still means me) aren't "growing up". we are "delaying adulthood". i tend to agree. i don't think I'm "grown up", even though I'm 30. no, I don't spend all day playing video games, or watching cartoons. i'm just not "growing up" because, well, i guess i don't know what that means, or, at least, i do know what it means, and don't think that's a very good way to live ones life.

i find myself more mature, in the ways that are most important to me, than most of the 40, 50, and 60 year old people i know. in fact, i find some people in those generations ignorant about a lot of things. i find some downright juvenile. i find that there are some in their generation that are very mature. some are very smart. some very dumb. some turn away from responsibility, some take on more than their share. in short, their generation is just like mine. the only difference? this idea of commitment.

commitment is a concept close to that of integrity. its something that means honor and duty. unfortunately, it's obsolete. the world is changing more rapidly than at any other time in history. entire paradigms of thought rise and fall every few month as apposed to every few years. if you don't know this, you aren't paying attention. we are. we can't "choose" what to "be" when we are talking about a career because that choice is likely to be outdated by them time we get anywhere. we can only choose what to "be" when it comes to who we are as a person, and what skillset we choose to have, who we choose to associate with, what kind of personality we display, and more prominantly in the age of massive information: what media we choose to consume.

the issue is dedication. what am i truely dedicated to? i don't know and neither do a lot of people. i was dedicated to the idea of being a rich, conservative real estate investor when i was 12. i was dedicated to the concept of socialism when i was 24. thing change. however, there are things that i enjoy: philosophy, programming, music, good conversation. are all these things "taking me" anywhere? will i be able to "make a living" having conversations about the philosophy of programming? maybe, maybe not, but this is who i am, and has nothing to do with who i am "going to be". what if i didn't care about "my future"? what if i cared about my life?

now, i'm not talking about having a house, mortage, building equity, saving for your 401k, having kids, or even marriage. i'm talking about the idea of a "career".

when you "choose" a career, you are locking yourself into something. in this economy, people my age can't afford to be locked into anything. we need to be mobile. we need an evolving skillset. we need to continually diversify while making money. we need gainful unemployment. why? because there is nothing more deadening to the spirit of mankind than to be stuck in a 40 hour a week, mind-numbing, ulcer-producing, time-sucking pain in the ass we call "work". we would be better off without it.

take a look at all the wonderful things that have been dreamed up in our history book. who invented them? men working tirelessly at their jobs, or, rather, people who didn't have that problem: royalty, the rich, the idle. idleness is good. fuck what they say about the devil's playground. idle hands are god's workshop.

if adulthood isn't about enjoying life, then i would say that, we are, in fact, growing up too fast. in fact, i hope one day that none of us will "grow up" at all. of course, the population would be too difficult to control if they weren't forced to slave away at a meaningless job every day. we couldn't have that, now, could we?