Saturday, February 04, 2006

there are 7 things that cause confusion... the human race as a species.

and i'm talking about the "meta-confusion". the big ones. sure, you be confused why your dog has a bigger dick than you do (or your husband does) in the evolutionary scheme of things. I often wonder the same thing about my cat. After all, why did god need to make my penis larger than my cat?

yeah, that's right, baby. no " 's ".

seriously, i'm talking about, on an evolutionary scale( or at least the scale of cultural evolution (c. 4000 BCE-- present.)

After all, something had to make us confused. why would we try to figure anything out if we weren't confused about it?

what were the first things that we started asking questions about? my guess, based purely on introspection, (read: "pulling this out of my ass") are the following 7 things, in no particular order:

number 2:
number 3:
natural disasters
number 4:
number 5:
number 6:
number 7:

Every one of these things produced questions in our ancestors' minds:
how does one understand sex? why is it there? what happens? why do all the babies look like the guys with the biggest dicks? why are our dicks bigger than a monkey's? (notice this time i included the apostrophe.) it might have led to rules, maybe the realization that the tribes with statues of naked chicks in them survived? maybe we should have one, we'll call it a "god" and call the rules a "religion".

But if there's a god, how did he get here? where is he? what kind of person is he. then, you hear about a flood, a volcano, a tornado, maybe you experience one. why did god do that? they must have been doing something that made god angry.

angry? more confusion, more thought. more fear.

and as the master yoda says:
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

well, maybe not in that order. I would say that fear leads to violence, violence leads to hate, hate, to ideology, which is basically saying "you are wrong and i don't care if you're right". and anyone who has ever watched bill o' reily or rush limbaugh know all about suffering.

this led to greed, which lead to technology, which confused the hell out of everyone. we're still paying for this. this will lead to nothing but bad things, say a "weapon", which makes people die faster, for instance. die, commie, die! (of course, at this point, they were just people who wanted to share the food supply instead of by the God's insistance that the man with the largest dick have 50% of the food and the food supply would be divided regressively based solely on dick size. We called this "economics". (now, of course, social evolution has reversed this preference, with the people most driven having the most, shall we say "need for compensation".

all this led to the realization that mr. horse-dick kept getting very fat compared to the rest of the population, and this happened in more than one land. Some lands were more sucessful than others. maybe it's because this, we'll call him a "king", had more of an influence over the tribe than others, or a better influence. if he was important, then what does he think about things? maybe he want's more milk. if you have people who listen to and obey you, and you want some milk, what do you do? enter murder.

(now, by "murder", I'm not talking about bouts of anger in sexual contest or in a fight over the food supply. I'm talking about a special kind of murdery: a planned killing.

damn I'm tired. I'm gonna leave it at that. maybe i'll talk to you about the first sucide later. You might have heard of him: Jesus Christ.



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